Wish The World Had An Unsubscribe List

Dear Emma,

I wake up and I think of you. I open my email box and the first thing I see is another email “Babylist, Your Seven-Week-Old Baby...” I thought I had un-subscribed to most of the things, but somehow I continue to get the baby emails. I keep getting the ads on social media and I swear everywhere I look there’s a baby or someone who’s pregnant. I want to be happy for them. I want to have the innocence of never thinking that something bad could happen. Before you, I never even had a thought that I could lose a child. Your little big sister said it best “Mom, I never knew a baby could die.” Those words shattered my soul because at such a young age she now has lost that innocence.

People don’t warn you about all the social media that will continue to shove your loss in your face. Facebook, Instagram, websites, they all have the algorithm that show that I should have a baby, and that you should be here with me. It’s becoming easier as now I expect that I’m going to see it and I just scroll quicker and some days it doesn’t seem to bother me at all.

Missing you always,

Love,

Mommy