It feels like Deja Vu

Dear Emma,

Once again, the air is filling with smoke and the hospital is filling with COVID patients. Us nurses are working extra shifts, feeling tired, and so frustrated that people cannot put others before themselves, love their neighbors, be like Jesus, and get a vaccine that could stop brothers, sisters, husbands, and wife’s from dying. It feels like last year. I remember after I was exposed at work this time last year that we had to quarantine for 14 days away from everyone. It was an emotional and trying time. I remember talking to you everyday and night while you were safe inside me, praying we wouldn’t get sick, wondering if you were a boy or a girl. We were excited to find out even though the rest of the family had to stand in the driveway, while I was up the stairs away from everyone to keep them safe. We each cut into our cakes and revealed that you were a little girl, our Emma. We couldn’t have been more excited. It feels just like that time, except you are not here… you should be here but you are not. I wish more then anything that you could be here. I miss you so much and think of you everyday.

I wish I could wake up from this horrible dream. But it’s not a dream, this is the reality and we have to keep moving forward, one day at a time…

Loving you always,

Mommy