Emotional toll

Dear Emma,

Another month has come and gone. I have so much to say but I keep it all in. I’m not sure if the emotional toll of caring for the young parents dying of COVID in the ICU has finally caught up to me, but this month has been hard. It’s like I can’t keep my emotions locked away, they want to burst out. I feel like most days I do a good job to remind myself that we were lucky to have you for 7 days, that you helped other families through your donation, that God has a plan bigger then us. But sometimes I just want to cry and say how unfair it is. I want to stay in bed, because I didn’t, I got up to continue to be a good mom to your sisters and I will continue to do so, but sometimes I just need to acknowledge those feelings.

I have a fear if I’m not crying I’m not honoring you. I know this isn’t true. It’s hard to wake up and realize this is our reality every day.

Everywhere I look there are reminders of you. That you are not here and it hurts. I miss you so much.

Thinking of you always,

love,

Mommy